BORED BUM

Sportsfest and Mother Events

Today is Mother’s Day! And also, Himig’s Sportsfest.

I made my sister buy Cherry Blossom scented perfume and lotion at Body Shop and I bought flowers. We rendezvoused outside while Mom was getting a massage at home. When Mom was asleep, about 3am, I went upstairs and placed the flowers and the bag of goodies near her bed. 

She can thank my sister through text, but having been left with my mom for so long, even if we’re the only ones in the house besides the hired help, I don’t want her to thank me. We don’t have that kind of relationship. We’re close in some ways, but we have a strained relationship. We have angered each other more times than anyone could count, and we have a love-hate relationship (I have a LOT of those - maybe it says something about my temper?).

But I wouldn’t trade her for anyone else.

***

Himig Agustino Sportsfest 2012.

We organized this ludicrous event for whatever reason that I totally forgot. It’s just our 20 members split in 2 groups. No Audience. Just us. Hahahaha! The place? Our former School. Most of us are high school alumni/alumnae from St. Augustine School, Tanza.

Here is the list of our games:

• Basketball Boys/Girls
• Volleyball
• Badminton Singles/Doubles
• Kadang-kadang
• Touch Body, Out!
• Jackstones
• Pick-Up Sticks
• Cheer Dance Competition
• Obstacle Course
• Patintero
• Sack Race

It’s deliciously foolish and pure fun.

How will it turn out?

Analogy?

Amazing how one thing can hold you down.

I was contemplating the fact that, I easily get distracted (with the ADD and all that rubbish) but I always find my way back.

I find something new to distract me, to forget, so to speak. I get excited and giddy and excessively happy. In the end, I’m back where I once was.

Sometimes, it’s not even my fault. The distractions came easily, I didn’t have to make that much of an effort. But again, I always fall back where I once was.

It’s like an elastic band. You stretch it but it comes back with a snap. It would hurt you twice for revenge. And you would think twice before repeating it again, but it comes naturally that you have to stretch an elastic band because it’s what’s needed to be done.

Am I making sense?

I’m talking about Harry Potter by the way. Hahahahaha! How I’m always finding other books to distract me, but in the end, I always read HP again.

But those rants can easily be about love too, can it?

*I’m too sleep deprived!

About Gods

I just realized, I don’t tag any of my personal posts. As if it wasn’t meant to be found.

That was waaaay off topic.

Anyway, I remember this one thing I once read, years ago. It was about a god. 

He will have the power to get everything. But he won’t get to have what he really wants. Everyone has something he wants and hopes for. In those times, humans can pray to their gods…but who should a god pray to?

It’s sad to think about those things. Metaphorically or literally, a divine being or figuratively speaking, someone you have in high regard, is untouchable. Like He can do anything. But not really. Not even God the father predicted the creation of Tower of Babel, nor the Golden God in Moses’ time. No. The greek gods cannot predict wars, that’s why they chose sides, didn’t they? But I don’t mean things like that.

What if a god want something. Something that even a god cannot hope of having. The nagging question is, what does he do? Does he pray to himself? Does he hope for the best or does he take matters into his own hands?

I always thought that everything happening, is written by One Hand. How terribly naive, right? I always thought that things were meant to happen. Everything in motion is already written, and therefore, cannot be altered. Fate they call it. Destiny. I don’t think they’re one and the same, but still, it has this finality that everything is controlled by God. By the One Hand that I believe in.

Can people define fate? Can anyone vouch for the fact that it exists? Destiny is something that was bound to happen. Fate is the development of events beyond your control made by destiny.

But does God write his own fate? His own destiny? Of course not. Because he is the beginning and the end. But what happens in between? Billions of prayers sent to him everyday and he sorts them out, but he couldn’t answer his own. Let’s say for example, God wants peace. But he couldn’t get it. Not how he wants it. Because nobody’s giving it to him. He is God. Who does he pray to for peace?

I’m wondering if I’m bordering of blasphemy.

These are just questions, that I’m not sure how to answer. I’m not a scholar who studies about these things. I just question the order of things. How a triangle works, if you know what I mean.

*sigh*

Back to insomniac days.

Horrible Truths: Parents

Once upon a time, I thought my Dad was Superman. And my Mom is the best person in the world…

Not all stories are fairytales. 

One day, you’ll have the sense to figure out that your parents are human. And sometimes, their lives, are more messed up than yours will ever be.

I woke up one day, and found out my Dad wasn’t Superman. He makes mistakes. He can’t do everything. I found out my Mom wasn’t the best. She can be deceiving and cunning with lots of skeletons in her closet. 

My world collapsed. Tell me if this isn’t true to every kid out there who idolizes their parents.

I think its always a turning point. Do you still respect your parents afterwards? Yes of course, but your world won’t ever be the same.

The day I realized my parents are humans too, with faults and unwise decisions, there’s this hole in my chest I can’t quite fill.

Please don’t judge me about this.

I know they are entitled to be like that (everyone is) but I can’t help feeling that, the one thing that I can actually boast about is having a happy family. But I don’t have that anymore. Not the same way. It’s harder on me. I’m the only one left here. My siblings were married, like what, 10 years ago? Sometimes I do wonder if its my fault. I know its not, but what if it is?

More than a year had passed when they separated. Wounds have healed. But the pain was sealed in.

Is that one of the reasons that I’m so afraid of commitment? Of love? Of having children?

I do wonder if I’ve already forgiven them…